Have you thought about who is responsible for your happiness? Do you expect your spouse, your parents, your children or your friends to make you happy? Think about it.
This morning I was reading The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther and Jerry Hicks and came across a powerful sentence that affected me like being hit in the head with a baseball bat. Yes, it got my complete attention.
Asking others to change so you can feel better never works.
This was shortly followed by:
It is our absolute knowing that if you believe that your happiness depends upon your ability to control the behavior of any other, you will never find happiness – for control of others is not possible.
Everyone should not only read those two sentences but sit with them in meditation until the meaning sinks in. I don’t usually speak in “Everyone” and “should” but this is a powerful teaching and each of us needs to assimilate it —make it a part of our belief system. If we did—if I did—I/we would be much happier and so would all those around us.
We each know a control freak or two. We most likely have each exhibited the characteristics of a control freak now and then—especially with our spouse and/or our children. Have you ever heard yourself think or say something like the following or have you heard it said to you?
If only you would change _____________ then I could feel better/be happy. (If only you would stop nagging; if only you would help around the house; if only you would pay more attention to the children; if only you would be home more; if only you would laugh more; if only you would dress better; if only you would stop drinking; if only you would lose weight; if only you would take me out more; etc etc, etc.) “If only you were just like me” is what is being said here and no one can change to please you and still maintain their own personal integrity. Nor can you change who you are to please anyone else.
In my years doing hypnotherapy a high percentage of people who came for help wanted help changing their parents, their children or their partner. I had men ask me outright, “If I send my wife to see you can you hypnotize her to want more sex/lose weight/do everything I tell her to do?” Most women are not quite so direct but do indicate that it is their husband or parents who are to blame for their present unhappy state. I have lost a number of clients when I tried to help them understand that happiness comes from within themselves regardless of what others around them do.
Oh, it’s so much easier to blame our parents or our spouse for our own trouble and unhappiness than to face it head on and make the necessary changes in our own thinking, believing and feeling. That’s more like work.
This blog is named The Self Improvement Blog for a reason. That reason is that any real improvement comes from within the self—your self, my self, his self, her self. No one can fix you nor can you fix anyone else. You can help and you can be helped but only you can make the changes.
So the question is, “What do you need to do, change or fix about you so you can feel better? What can you do, change or fix within you in order to know real, genuine, bubbling up, contagious happiness? You’ll find that facing that head on not only gives you clues as to how to proceed but you’re already touching the edge of real happiness. Go for it.
For the quotes see: Hicks, Esther and Jerry, The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide, Hay House, 2007, pp 67 and 68.